I have not been myself in a while now. Every day I wake up to the question why am I here?
Iv been a Christian for decades but Christ seems to be a saviour for someone else but me. The reason being the fire I once had has been put out.. You can just conform to an idea for the longest time until you realise you can't really buy into it any more. Something is just not right... Maybe my faith is not..
Seeing people are a pain.. How do you step out of the room when there's nothing you can relate to in the outside world any more?.
What seemed to be a delight to me dont feel the same any more. Whether it be Music, books art or any piece of craft that draws my attention.
Iv been struggling with severe depression for more than a decade. I was convinced that I could get through this, and that I was healed. But off late truth has been sinking in.
The pain and severity of depression is real as it has been for me.
There are some days when life seems so full of fun, I make a joke out of everything. Just to numb my pain, just to tell myself that my struggles are just for that time and that id get through it..
My life has been screaming: HELP...
It's been there for as long as I remember..
But I could feel that my cries have been drowned out because instead I see a world so engrossed in living for their tomorrow.
Everyone lives for their own self, for their own survival , and for the ones that matter most to them.
As for me : Il always be that child in front of that candy store, with no money or anyone to buy that for her.
Iv always been told how my life exists only because iv been promoted by grace.
Iv been left with nothing but a terribly sick heart and a weighed down mind.
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